I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
