So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
