This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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