Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
