so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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