Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
