I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
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we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
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I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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