I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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