ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
