Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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