Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
