i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
