Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
