Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
