there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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