WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
