Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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