the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
