I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
