Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
