I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
