Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
