Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
