he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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