Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
