You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
