is your mom at the bar?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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