Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize