You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
