apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
