We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
