Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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