So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
