u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
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I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
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I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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