my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My life is pants optional.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
