are you still at the devil's house?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
