The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
