Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
zippers are such a cool invention
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
