I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
