I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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