dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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