i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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