she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
