I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
