I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
