Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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