i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
