The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
