If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
