I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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