Tell her she can't have a vagina
im having a threesome with these popsicles
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
