I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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