i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
