I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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