I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
