Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
