I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
