The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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