so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
