You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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