When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize