My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
if i can run in heels then i can drive
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
