The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
