you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
