i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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