i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
