he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
