he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
