she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
